Too Dumb To Publish

I guess most of you know about the Huffington Post. And if you go there often enough, you will have figured out that they reserve a spot on their page for a picture of a starlet (or other celeb) in a skimpy or revealing dress. Have noticed that they have become preoccupied with side boob?

Side boob?

I get it that the distinction between exposing the whole boob and hiding just the nipple is a bit bogus (see: Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction), and I get it that a female can reveal an inappropriate amount of boob for a particular occasion. But really, side boob?

Dumb.

[the picture is not from the Huff Post]

Let’s Suppose

Let’s suppose…
Suppose I were to paint you in a pose…
Suppose I dressed your hair with little bows…
Suppose I asked to paint you without clothes…
Suppose it was a naughty stance I chose…
Suppose you told me little stubborn noes…
Suppose you told me all your tales of woes…
Suppose I kissed your pretty little nose…
Suppose I praised your beauty head to toes…
Suppose your need to please me slowly grows…
Suppose you let me paint that naked pose…
Suppose that’s the way this little story goes…
Let’s suppose…

TMI Tuesday @ 5/22/2012

In many polls, you are asked if you

strongly agree,

somewhat agree,

neither agree nor disagree,

somewhat disagree

strongly disagree

with some proposition. Today, we go the other way. We supply the answer, you supply the question.

1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree, or greatly like.

Same sex marriage. My own marriage is opposite sex, at least now and then, but I know gay couples who deserve the best.

Also Google.

2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.

WhoNu cookies.

Also Snapple.

3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.

Strangely, this may be the most difficult category. If I’m indifferent to something, how do I bring it to mind? And if I’m indifferent, is that not really a negative review that puts it in the next category? It’s a paradox.

However, I’ll take the opportunity to say I’m strangely indifferent to the marking of birthdays and other anniversaries. The choice of a particular day for celebration seems so arbitrary to me. I’m especially immune to making a big deal of round-numbered anniversaries since I’m aware that the roundness of the number depends on the number system. That 50th birthday would be 32 in computer-friendly base 16, and 42 in the friendly confines of base 12.

I’m pretty indifferent to opening and closing ceremonies of all kinds, especially those that involve standing around listening to platitudes from some person in charge.

4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.

“Gotcha” politics, and other political posturing based on sound bytes.

Also loud music at the beach. And Quaker rice cakes. And flossing.

5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.

Taize Chant. It’s a form a meditative music based on the principle that it need never come to an end.

Also mega-sized SUVs.

Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?

Most any opinion that is held contrary to well-established science, especially if such belief is based on appeal to authority. Example: creationism.

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Pitch

You know?
Here’s what:
I think you’re that kind,
The kind that likes a little excitement now and then.
Not with her husband,
You know?

You what I mean?
The kind who’s willing to spend an afternoon with a stranger,
In a motel room,
Just for the excitement.
The kind that likes to taste the forbidden fruit.
You what I mean?

I’ betting..
I think you’d like to do it with me,
Just for the fun.
Maybe today,
Maybe tomorrow,
I’m on your list.
I’ betting..

The way I see it,
When it happens
You’ll want it on your hands and knees,
Animal style,
Female in heat,
Offering access to the male,
To assuage her horniness,
The way I see it.

Yeah,
You get it.

TMI Tuesday @ 5/15/2012

Fine Dining

You are having dinner at the best restaurant you can imagine. Do not concern yourself with over-eating, or other restrictions. We want to know what you like best. What will you have for:

1. Before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail?

For a regular dinner, I’d go with a cocktail such as Gin & Tonic, but for extra fine dining, an aperitif would be in order. I like the French type exemplified in the US by Dubonnet (red). Our liquor store has an imported brand which is just a little better and just a little cheaper, but I don’t remember the brand name.

2: Appetizer?

I like something hot (meaning temperature). Something with skewers or wrappers or a dipping sauce is good because it’s fun to play with your food. This is a good time for shrimp.

3. Soup?

French onion. With the toasty cheese floating on a piece of bread. In real life, something like this is enough food to be a whole meal, but here on the internet, I’m just getting started.

4. Salad?

I’m not fussy about salad. Here in Connecticut, we seem to have a specialty in salads with Gorgonzola. That’s great if you can keep it from being too oily.

5. Wine or other beverage with dinner?

Something white (to go with the entree) and fairly dry. I can’t call out wines by name any more because they changed all the names when I wasn’t paying attention.

6. Entree?

Roast chicken. Not a restaurant favorite, perhaps due to kitchen logistics, but my favorite meal.

7. Side Dishes?

Think Thanksgiving. Mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce. Spring or summer vegetables such as yellow squash. No green bean casserole. If you insist on sweet potatoes, please lose the marshmallows.

8. Dessert?

Apple pie. (Ice cream not required.) Or cherry pie.

9. After dinner drink?

Coffee.

10. Which 3 people would you invite to dinner: (must be famous, well-known, living or dead, not fictional)

- For sex appeal

Around the dinner table, sexy means cleavage. On display. Like Jane Russell.

- For great conversation

The President and First Lady. They are both articulate and no one  knows more about current events.

- Because you detest them

No. Won’t go there. Are you trying to spoil my digestion?

Bonus: Your lover brings you breakfast in bed. What’s on the tray?

Coffee and a cinnamon bun. I mean a great big, warm, yeasty cinnamon bun without too much icing.

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Wonder

I wonder
Is wondering the same as having wandering thoughts?
I wonder
Is it possible to wonder what you’re wondering about?
I wonder
If I wonder a lot, does that make me wonderful?
I wonder
Does anyone other than a psychologist use the word wonderment?
I wonder

TMI Tuesday @ 5/8/2012

Well, well, we’re down to the short strokes this week.

1. How often do you masturbate?

Not quite every day.

2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation month?

Participate in this TMI.

3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?

e. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.
[e.], but I don’t think the Beloved Object could be induced to perform.

4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?
d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to.

[d.] Again, it’s not in the Beloved Object’s set of interests.

5. Mutual masturbation? Yay or Nay?

My house, or yours?

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbate-a-thon 2012 would you go and masturbate? Why or Why not?

http://masturbate2012.tumblr.com/

No. If I were to go cross-country on a sexual boondoggle, I think I’d want at least a little poon-doggle.

 

[Oops, I missed the bonus question. Here it is, added later:

Are you addicted to masturbation?   I think it may be far to say I' m mildly addicted. Most nights the let-down reaction afterwards helps me get to sleep.
]

 

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TMI Tuesday @ 5/1/2012

The Here & Now

1. Are you wearing any jewelry? What?

None, aside from my wedding ring. Usually, I wear a big, shiny, stainless steel Tissot watch, but it needs a new battery, and I’m wearing a very low-class Timex from Target.

2. What are you listening to now?

Nothing. Or, rather, the cars on the highway outside my office.

3. What is the last piece of entertainment media (i.e., cd, download, book, DVD) that you purchased? Do you recommend it?

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. The new (2011) movie. I bought it pre-release from Amazon, and it’s the first recorded media I’ve bought in a long time.

4. What kind of undergarments are you wearing right now? Care to post a photo?

Funny you should ask. I’m wearing a pair of boxer briefs for the first time. I bought them last Friday at the Gap.

5. What is your current mood?

More bored than anything else.

6. What is the best looking thing about you today?

The wicked gleam in my eye.

7. Fill in the blank. Tonight I’m looking forward to __dinner__. We’re thinking of take-out from the local wrap place.

Bonus: Tell me something good…anything you want to share. Just do it.

I got some socks at Macy’s, too.

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TMI Tuesday @ 4/24/2012

It’s all about SEX!

[Well, it would be, wouldn't it?]

1. What is your sexual personality?
a. The Controller – initiating sex, twisting your lover into positions you want, and driving scene play by play
b. Sex Slave – You love to be used and at the mercy of your lover. You don’t initiate but follow and do as you are told. You love to be used.
c. Daredevil – Sexual adventure and sexual thrills are what you are all about. You get off on the risk factor.
d. Subdued – Sex is a necessary part of the relationship so you are available when needed.

I’m the Controller by default, since SWMBO has slipped into the Subdued role.

2. How many times have you sneaked away from party guests to have sex in another part of the party venue. Where did you sneak to? Were you ever caught? For example, at a wedding reception you sneaked to have sex in the coat room. At a party, you sneaked to have sex in a bathroom or closet.

Never. I think you watched Four Weddings and a Funeral too many times.

3. Your sex partner that you are mad crazy for has requested you do one of the following, which one would you grant consent to do:
a. Bondage/light restraint with your hands, legs tied while having sex
b. A sexual spanking that leaves light marks
c. Record the two of you having sex
d. Have sex in a mirrored room where you can see yourselves having sex from every angle

I would do c or d in a heartbeat. I’d also be happy to do a little light restraining (remember, I’m the Controller).

4. Do you act out your sexual fantasies (select one)? Why?
a. I act out all of my fantasies.
b. I act out many of my fantasies.
c. I act out some of my fantasies.
d. I act out very few of my fantasies.
e. I don’t act out any of my fantasies.
f. I don’t have any fantasies.

No, not really, so e. I do sometimes wonder which fantasies have actual real life appeal. Well, there’s this one involving Hedone. No doubt about that one.

5. How important is sex in your life (select one)?
a. I could hardly survive without it.
b. It is very important.
c. It is somewhat important.
d. I could live without it.
e. If it were up to me, sex wouldn’t even exist!

b/c. It’s important, but it need not be super frequent.

Bonus: Finish the following phrase.

Sex is deliciously carnal.

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May I Watch?

Would you be willing to slip down your panties,
And pleasure yourself as a I watch?
It’s one of my dreams and my fantasies
To see as you play and debauch.

Would you be willing to rub out a quickie
As I sit here and take in the scene?
I won’t do anything tricky,
And I won’t say anything mean.

I’ll be glad as your pussy gets wetter,
And get hot as I hear every sigh.
I can’t think of anything better
Than to watch you stroking the pie.

And when you’re swollen and wet,
And orgasm’s coming on fast,
I’ll be the one in you debt
For sharing the fun at long last.