Summer

Summer has reached the NYC area. This picture was taken in Brazil (not by me), but I thought it would be a good preview of the season to come.

Fog

It’s a very hazy day, with limited visibility.
I’m in a grumpy mood, with limited risibility.

R Word

On the HuffPost, this dress was described as “risky.” I wonder if they meant “risqué.”

I dig body paint.

Games for Old People

What are the games of retirement?
Do senior citizens play spin the bottle?
Or truth and dare?
Or strip poker?
Or spanking strip poker?
Or Twister?
Probably not Twister, given the aches and pains of age.
Did anyone ever work out rules for strip canasta?

What are the norms in the retirement villages of the nation?
What date is the sex date?
Is fidelity taken for granted?
Is jealousy still as strong?
Is subtlety required, or is a straight proposition OK?

Or, maybe, the women are all gossiping,
And the men are watching porn.

Heidi

I thought it was a story about a little girl in the Alps, and now this:

Struck Speechless

I gape.
What could I say?

Faux Oldies

I happened on a web site with some “vintage porn”. Some of it was from the silent movie era, which means before 1929. I find these movies pretty amusing. More amusing than arousing, actually, but they do show up on porn sites.

It occurred to me to wonder if the demand for really old porn exceeded the supply. There can’t be too many of these old films still extant. Hundreds maybe, but not thousands. And if there is demand, then some porn maker could fake them. Porn producers fake everything: fake amateurs, fake incest, fake teenagers, fake casting agents. So why not fake 1920′s porn? And I wondered how hard it would be. Let’s take it by parts.

1. Sets. Not a big problem. Most of the sets were really simple and could be reproduced out of a used furniture shop, with the addition of a prop or two such as an antique telephone. A lot of scenes were outdoors, too. The film of that era needed a lot of light, more easily obtained outdoors.

2. Actors. This is harder, and it’s a matter of hair, both on the head and on the pubes. Hair fashion called for short dos which are not so common now. I suppose that wigs could be a solution. They didn’t trim their pubic hair at all back then, even for film, and all the porn actresses do now. I’m not sure how you compensate for that. On the plus side, female physiques tended to the ordinary, so the super thin modern figure is not required. Nor is youth.

Male actors tended to ordinary middle-aged guys, so not a big problem.

3. Film technique. Black and white, of course. Any video can be changed to greyscale, so that’s easy. Cameras were too big to hand-hold, so everything should be shot from a tripod. You’d want to review some oldies with stopwatch in hand to get an idea of the rhythm, i.e.how long between cuts.

4. Plots/scripts. Pretty universal.

Anyone want to be movie star?

Cleavage

I find a nice cleavage to be attractive. I suppose most men do, and most women know it, and that’s why we see them around. I understand one is not to touch without permission. That’s reasonable. I don’t exactly understand when women complain that men just stare and won’t look them in the eye. Men are like that. If you don’t like it, don’t dress that way.

It would be a nice thing to be allowed to faceplant into a nice set of pillows. Jeremy Irons spent about half a movie that way, lucky bastard. The actress was Ornell Muti. Who wouldn’t want to get close?

A soft hollow scented by skin and expensive perfume makes lovely place to lay one’s head after a hard day.

False Association

I saw a girl who looks like Bones,
Which is to say,
I saw a girl who looks like Emily Deschanel.
And I wondered,
Does she have an affective disorder?
Which is a ridiculous idea.

If I saw a man who looks like Hugh Laurie,
Would I expect him to have
An American accent (like House),
Or a British accent (like Hugh)?

The human mind usually does not work by logic,
It works by association,
And is often wrong.