TMI Tuesday @ 8/26/2014

August 25, 2014

Probing questions from TMI Central:

1. Close your eyes and think about having sex with your lover. Now, what was the first image that came to your mind? Was it foreplay? What kind of sex? What position? Where?

Foreplay, nude, in bed. The usual caressing and sucking sort of thing.

2. What is that most memorable thing that you or your partner said immediately after sex?

Not too long ago, my wife punctuated the end of playtime with “Well, that was expeditious!”

3. Whether reward or punishment, a part of your body must be shown on a huge billboard in the heart of your city/town. Which body part will you select to be 14 feet tall by 48 feet wide (4.27 meters x 14.63 meters)?

Like Katisha, “My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist.”

4. You are about to lose your power of speech, what’s the one thing you would want to tell someone before that happens?

Not to be trite, but I suppose the usual round of “I love you” to the family.

5. You are stricken with a disorder that causes you to blurt out a single phrase every time you orgasm? What is that phrase?

Go, Hedone, go!

Well, maybe not. Perhaps I should stick with my traditional, leonine roar.

Bonus: If you had to make out with a friend (same sex or opposite sex) to save the world from mass destruction, whom would you pick?

I think that first we should decide if the world deserves to be saved. I’ll hear opinions on both sides. Meanwhile, I’ve got a couple friends that could be classified as “hot babes”, and couple more in the “good time girl (or woman)” category. I’ll give you a list and you can roll the dice.

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TMI Tuesday @ 8/19/2014

August 19, 2014

For each of the categories listed below, imagine that a new business or event of that type opened in your area. Tell us whether you would check it out or attend; and, whether you would go alone, with friends of your gender, or with a significant other/lover. Expound on your answer as much as you’d like.

1. Sports Bar: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

I might go to a sports bar for a beer with a male friend or two. I took my wife to an Applebee’s that was pretty much a sports bar. It was very loud, and the huge TV screens were very distracting.

2. Brew pub or beer hall: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

As above, I might go with a friend for a beer. Can’t see it otherwise.

3. Wine Festival: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

Possible, but less likely than the above.

4. Tanning Salon: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

No. I do my tanning the old-fashioned way.

5. Sex/kink event (e.g. Dark Odyssey, Sexapalooza, Leather conferences, fetish ball, kinky salon): never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

Can’t see this happening…unless…if I were, for some reason, in a strange city, traveling alone, with time to kill, and a convention at my hotel or across the street, then maybe. But probably not.

6. Strip club: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

The last time I went to a strip club was with a bunch of co-workers. It was a sort of bachelor-party, pre-wedding send off for a guy who was getting married.

7. Sex toy store: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

Alone. I’ve done this from time to time. The last time was here. It was strange. It’s a big store, very clean and well-organized. No tacky or honky-tonk advertising. Clearly designed for the female customer. Not that much that a man would buy. Staff of one or two clean-cut, fresh-faced young women.

8. Upscale Spa: never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

No chance. Just today, we got an ad in the mail for a new “Nail Salon and Spa”. We won’t be going.

9. Adult Sex education conference (e.g. Eroticon, CatalystCon): never, alone, with friends, with your SO?

No, don’t think so.

Bonus: Well, there doesn’t seem to be a bonus this week. But I’ll give you a bonus answer.

Every now and then, I’m reminded that the low-minded man can investigate the sex business situation via the internet. Escorts advertise, and web sites review and rate hookers and massage parlors. For example, rubmaps.com. They have reviews of about eight massage parlors in my hometown. (You only get current reviews if you pay. They also have old reviews on a similar number of parlors listed as closed. How many were closed by law enforcement, it doesn’t say.) Rates are about $60/hour.

Here is a typical review (TS = table shower, HJ = hand job, FS = full service = screw):

Location is 2nd floor apartment. Ring bell and nice Asian lady leads you to room to change. She collects upfront $ and offers table shower. Nice shower, she stays in nightie and provides good TS. Washes front back and in all corners. Even tugs the rod for a few seconds while cleaning–nice. Then back to room for massage, soft touch, flip, and HJ. Massage was average, and no FS–but was worth what I paid. A good experience for what it was.

Tawdry, ain’t it?

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Poems In Need Of An Editor

August 6, 2014

Limerick

A girl who felt my erection
Gave it a thorough inspection.
Said, “I like it a lot,
And it makes me so hot.
I don’t usually give head on the first date but for you I’ll make an exception.

Quatrain

I laid her now, I laid her then,
I laid her where, I laid her when,
I laid her foul, I laid her fair,
I laid in her that little B&B just up the street from the town square.


TMI Tuesday @ 8/5/2014

August 5, 2014

Embarrassing questions. Well, I guess that’s what TMI is all about.

1. You walk into a party full of friends. One of them suddenly and quickly strips down naked. Which area of your naked friend’s body do you check out first?

If a female, breasts first, pubes second. If a male, straight to the junk.

2. Have you ever masturbated in bed when a platonic friend or relative was sleeping in the same room or bed?

Not that I remember.

3. When was the first time you had a nocturnal orgasm aka a wet dream?

I’ve always been deficient in the area of wet dreams. Sex dreams ending with orgasm have always been a rare occurrence. However the first was when I was in my teens. (Sex dreams ending with me waking up pre-orgasm are much more frequent.)

4. Have you ever been caught naked by someone?

I wish.

5. Think of your dearest friend, do you think they are sexy? Why or why not?

I wonder if I have a dearest friend. I think not. How about my oldest friend? The answer is no.

6. If you had no choice, how many days do you think you could abstain from sex including masturbation?

I wonder what you mean by “no choice.” But taking your question at face value, I’d pretty preoccupied by horniness in the second week.

Bonus: What gets you wet hard faster, phone sex or sexting?

Never done either, so I don’t know. My experience with sexy chat rooms is uneven. So, I don’t really have an answer, but if anyone wants to sext me, I’ll set my timer, and we’ll see how long it takes.

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Shall We?

July 31, 2014

Shall we do it, you and I?
Shall we make the minutes fly
With frenzied kiss and sated sigh
As lovers have in ages by?

Shall we do it, me and you?
Shall we, while desire is new,
Dance the carnal dance for two
Until the rush of lust is through?


TMI Tuesday @ 7/29/2014

July 29, 2014

In which we move to the statistical side of intimacy.

1.. How much sex is too much sex? Explain.

I have to answer this question based on theory since I do not have relevant personal experience.

IIRC, the type of poll cited in the next question generates claims of sex up to twice a day. Whew! I think most couples would be looking for a day off after a couple of two-fers. Once a day seems like an upper limit for people with normal hormone levels.

2. According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year-olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year-olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year-olds an average of 69 times per year (how appropriate!).

a. Which group of averages would you prefer to belong?

This works out to be about twice a week for the young’uns and once a week in middle age. In the few discussions I’ve had with my admittedly less-than-kinky peer group, I’ve never heard anyone claim to get lucky twice a week, month in and month out. I don’t know who brings up the averages in the polls. Or rephrased, I don’t know the people who bring up the averages.

However that is, once a week would be fine.

b. Based on your age (if listed), find your group above. Would you say you are well below, pretty close to or high above your group’s average for having sex per year?

I’m out of the age range. As you might guess from the comment above, my sex rate has been below the published average.

3. Swinging (defined here)–have you tried it? Will you try it? Do you hope/wish to try it before you die?

No, and not bloody likely.

I do wonder, though, if swinging and casual affairs become more common with couples as they age. Jealousy on the male side, based on ensuring that any children are his, fades away, and it becomes harder to keep sex varied and interesting after three or four decades.

4. What is “having sex”? According to YOU and prior to this TMI Tuesday did you consider:
– Masturbation as having sex? Yes or No
– Performing oral sex as having sex? Yes or No

Good questions. Masturbation is not “having sex” except in very specific contexts.

Oral sex is a trickier issue. While it might be said that a couple who had intercourse one time “had an affair”, I don’t think a single hand job or blow job rises to that level. On the other hand, the average married person who finds his/her spouse is giving/getting oral sex is going to feel betrayed.

5. When was the last time you received oral sex?

Not recently enough.

Bonus: What is it?

Clearly a statuette of Tanisha Thomas:

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TMI Tuesday @ 7/22/2014

July 22, 2014

Can we talk… relationships?

man woman baby

1. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you see an attractive person?

There is a special case: When I see a very good-looking couple with a small child, I wonder how hot the sex was that conceived the baby. Naughty me.

Other than that, I have a normal (I hope!) sexual attraction to a pretty woman.

2. What is your idea of a dream date? Describe the person and the type of date experience.

Having been married for 42 years, I don’t dream about dates much. That said, any night out that allows us to forget about day-to-day worries works for me.

3. How many serious relationships have you had? Were you in love?

I guess the answer is two. The first was strong infatuation. The second was/is the real thing.

4. How many casual sexual relationships have you had?

That depends on the definitions of “casual”, “sexual”, and “relationship”, but I will say zero.

5. What will ruin a relationship for you?

Stupidity, boredom, fighting.

Bonus: What is your definition of sexy?

Sexy is that which arouses, and it’s entirely context dependent. A nice smile helps.

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Hard and Fast

July 21, 2014

She stroked my pecker like a bad girl,
She stroked my pecker hard and fast.
She stroked my pecker like a bad girl,
How long can I make the stroking last?

I fucked her pussy like an engine,
I fucked her puss hard and fast.
I fucked her pussy like an engine,
How long can I make the fucking last?


Situation

July 17, 2014

I’m away from my regular computer, and I don’t feature trying to compose a complex post via my tablet. Regular posting will resume next week.


Hot Girl

July 9, 2014

She was a hot miss,
Seduced with a kiss,
Or the merest caress
From a hand on her dress.
A finger’s touch
Was always enough
To induce her to screw,
As naughty girls do.

She was a hot tart,
Playing the slut’s part,
Ready to jack,
Or lie on her back.
Lively and fun,
And, all said and done,
Her body was nice.
I did her twice.


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