The rhymes and observations of an Eye Witness to life.
I will give you head for head,
Dinner for two in a double bed.
Top or bottom, take you pick;
I eat pussy, you suck dick.
Push your clit against my lips;
Feel my tongue with darts and flicks.
Bend you head and throat the meat,
‘Til our pleasure is complete.
An inquiry into habits of self-pleasure:
1. My favorite place to masturbate is ________ ?
Bed or in front of the computer.
2. Have you ever masturbated in public? What were the circumstances?
Not “in public” in the sense that anyone could see, but in the sense of not in a closed room. I think the exigent circumstance was severe horniness.
3. Do you like mutual masturbation? Why?
You ask why? You mean, you don’t know why? Let me clue you in. Any time a guy has someone playing with his pecker, he’s pretty happy. And any time his lover is getting more and more aroused, he sees good things in his future.
4. When was the last time you masturbated?
What time is it?
It must have been Saturday evening, so a bit less than 48 hours ago as I write.
5. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
I did a “Beautiful Agony” for my own amusement. Long since erased.
6. Do you like to watch people masturbate?
Not as rule, though now and then a female masturbation video catches my interest.
Bonus: Have you filmed yourself masturbating? Care to share that film via a link?
I’m waiting for a wide-screen web cam. (LOl, that’s a joke, son.) Seriously, I can’t think that such a video would be of interest to anyone. I also don’t know where on the web I could put with absolute anonymity.
Click on image below for more information on TMI Tuesday.
The questions this week are about free-lance detective work, which also goes by the name of “being nosy.”
1) Did you ever find someone else’s stash of sex toys, lubes, etc.?
Somewhere around puberty, I discovered my parent’s stash of books, lubes and condoms, but not toys. This probably puts me in the majority of boys.
2) Did you ever search someone else’s computer to determine their porn habits? Were you ever the object of such a search?
No, and I hope not.
3) Did you ever investigate to see if two people were getting it on?
Not really. I suppose there were times when I was on high alert for new info of this sort, but I don’t recall any deerstalker and magnifying work.
4) Did you ever look for naughty pictures on someone else’s phone?
No, but something like this almost happened to me. My kids picked up my camera and started flipping back through the pictures stored on it. I had taken some pictures that were, shall we say, NSFW, and I had a moment’s fright that I hadn’t deleted them all. But I had.
5) Were you ever involved with an investigation (formal or informal) into whether some one was cheating on his/her lover?
Not directly, but when I was in graduate school, my roommate was boinking the estranged or ex-wife of a reputed thug, and was worried that he was being followed.
Bonus: Do you have a secret online identity so that you can find a secret lover?
Of course, doesn’t everybody. Actually, VirtualSin is such an identity.
Click on image below for more information on TMI Tuesday.
You could be madam for a morning,
You could be a hooker for a night.
I could be a john, all hot and horny,
And slip you fifty bucks to make it right.
You could be a MILF who wants a lover,
You could be a widow in dressed in red.
I could be a man like any other
Who needs to have a woman in his bed.
You could be a bar girl on the prowl,
You could be a virgin, new to sin.
The game has many plays, some fair, some foul,
But if you turn a trick, then I win.
Lookin’ for a lady, who’s looking to get laid.
No one looking shady, no one in the trade.
Perhaps divorced or widowed, and willing to go down.
Librarian or bimbo, Party girl or clown.
I send batches of questions to Hedone. She always claims to like them. Makes me feel useful. Now, I wonder, do I have any answers.
1) Have you ever been sexiled? (To be sexiled is to be denied the use of your room, usually dorm room, because someone is having sex there.)
I think not. Undergraduate sex was not as publicly acknowledged back in my day. And I had a private bedroom for each of the last two years.
2) Were you ever hit on (propositioned) by a someone in your circle of friends who knew you were in a relationship with someone else?
I was never hit on, period, full stop.
3) Did you ever date someone for sex only, i.e. in hopes of a 1-night stand?
I did get myself fixed up for dates mostly in the hope of some kind of stimulation, but it stopped short of “all the way”.
4) Were you ever involved in a regrettable sexual incident where alcohol or drugs were involved?
No. My alcohol-fueled regrettable incidents went in other directions.
5) Did you ever see a porn movie in an actual movie theater? Did you ever see porn on home movie (8mm) before the age of videotape?
Why, yes I did. First on 8mm, and later in a theater. The homemade blue movies were somewhat sordid, but the big screen was dazzling. I bet you can getting a similar rush sitting close to your HD-TV, but we’ve lost the scarcity value.
And now, an aside, brought to you by the Department of Really Bad Predictions. Back at the beginning of VHS, maybe a year after rental shops started opening up, some person suggested to me that people would stop making porn because “there were already a couple thousand porn titles, and how many do you need?” Good question. More than 2K.
6) Did you ever discuss the prowess of a sex partner with a friend? Did the friend also have a history with the same person?
No. I asked this question because, in my very limited experience, it doesn’t happen in real life as much as it happens in fiction, and I mean all kinds of fiction: books, movies, TV, etc.
Bonus: Many heterosexuals ‘experiment’ in college by having their first same-sex encounter? If you are heterosexual did you have your first same-sex sexual experience in college? Did you like it? What did you do? Are you still hetero-flexible or did you become bisexual?
I was having enough angst over “experimenting” with other-sex couples; same-sex was out of the question.
Note: Bonus question provided by Hedone.
Click on image below for more information on TMI Tuesday.
1. Have you ever considered yourself completely sexually satisfied?
(Thank you Sex in Words for this question)
Sure. Often. The feeling lasts for about an hour. (Insert Chinese food joke here.)
2. What was the last sexy photo you took?
I don’t remember, so I guess it’s been a long time.
3. When was the last sexy photo you took AND sexted? What was it of and to whom was it sent?
I don’t recall anything in that line either. Are you interested?
4. How is your sex-life?
a. Like a wet blanket
b. Like a warm cozy comforter
c. Like an electric blanket getting you all heated up
d. None of the above, I sleep without covers
Like a warm cozy comforter which is not quite big enough. If I pull it up under my chin, my feet get cold.
5. What’s your idea of good foreplay?
Any and all of the usual. I remember a time we each wrote a sexy short story for the other to read.
Bonus: Can you have a great, long-lasting sex life with the same partner? How?
Choosing the partner properly is the starting point.
Click on image below for more information on TMI Tuesday.
I was having a walk in the park, when I came upon these young ladies. I was reminded of the diagram that accompanied last week’s TMI.
If, Ands, and Butts – questions about self-improvement preferences.
1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?
a. Shinier hair, hands down.
b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.
c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.
d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.
From this list, b. glowing, soft, skin. Dry skin makes surviving winter an itchy business.
2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?
My life is pretty stripped down already, but my house is full of stuff. (No, not a hoarder.) It’s just hard to throw potentially usable stuff into the trash. I’m on the verge of retirement.
3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?
I like a vacation cottage feel. Not over-stuffed.
4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?
No, but I’ve come close. I’m sure I told the story before. When I was in Vietnam during the war, every big army base had a steam bath, and the attendants were generally obliging in the matter of happy endings. However, the first time I requested the service, the lady was afraid her boss would find out and cause her trouble. The second time, the price was too high. ($3. An outrage. Usual price was $2.)
Bonus: Using the handy chart, what is your butt type, spanked or not?
“noassatall”
There was a marker on the spot,
Though only I could see it.
On this site
Sex was done
As profession of love
And in propitiation of lust.
And below it, that long-ago date.
And as I stood there,
The marker faded away,
Leaving only the dry duff of the forest floor,
And the sound of the breeze in the trees.
Virtual Sinner
